Be Kind to Yourself

“Everything you attract into your life is a reflection of the story you believe and keep telling yourself.” ― Farshad Asl

The words "be kind to yourself" flow through my mind throughout my days very often. These words are so simple yet so powerful. In my heartbreak segment I touched on this idea of treating yourself like a human and remembering the harm of self destruction. I have realized that the ideas in this segment are pretty similar to the ideas in the heartbreak segment because when you struggle with "being kind to yourself" you often break your own heart. With that, I am going to let you guys in on the "demons in my head" and the ways in which I crumble, cope and overcome. For as long as I can remember I have had anxiety. I really want to open up about this because mental health seems to be such a prominent problem right now. (Who really is stable anyways?). Anyone who has anxiety knows that we spend quite a bit of time beating ourselves up and overthinking every little thing we can. This is quite damaging and for me, it makes me crazy. I am so beyond hard on myself and I think that many people in my generation can relate to this because of this strangely high rate of mental illness and this insane social pressure that surrounds us. Regardless if you have anxiety, depression or anything I think EVERYONE still has struggles within themselves. With that, this segment is not to just put an emphasis on anxiety this is to put an emphasis on ALL internal battles but anxiety just happens to play into mine.

It is so cliche to sit here as a teenage girl and say "Omg love yourself!" So, I hope that this is different from the rest and it can console you in a deeper way. So, yes I do have this internal battle where I struggle to speak to myself in the ways in which are kind. I want to instill an understanding on the difference between nice and kind. To me, the word "nice" is not as genuine as the word "kind." Telling someone their shoes are cute is an example of being nice. Telling someone what they NEED to hear is an example of being kind. This is why I think it is important to be kind instead of nice. Being nice is great but kindness is more genuine. So, no I am not sitting here telling you to always talk to yourself in some delusional way, that is not what I mean by kindness. It is important to be real with yourself but it is also important to acknowledge and monitor your self talk because that is kindness. I will tell you that this idea of "being kind to yourself" is something I am working on and have not perfected. This is coming from a girl who is still learning and doing my best. What I do know is that I am starting to recognize my anxiety as a somewhat positive thing instead of always thinking of it as some crazy demon that ruins my days. This anxiety within me has motivated me beyond measures. I would not even slightly be as committed to the things I set my mind to without this anxiety. It pushes me to finish what I start and put my best efforts toward everything. I can truly say I do accomplish almost everything I set my mind to and I have my anxiety to thank for that. This in an introduction into the ways in which I cope. Starting to see the positive in what you always deem to be negative is important. A really great piece of advice I have once received is from my my dad when he told me, "Jordan change the story you are putting in your head." If the things you say to yourself and the ways in which you view yourself are not self serving then CHANGE THE STORY. (change the negativity into something positive). Often, I find myself sitting alone and I just have to say out loud, "Jordan you are kind, smart, beautiful and important to so many people." Saying things out loud and hearing your voice say them can bring yourself a lot of ease. Sometimes when you self implode you forget you're a human being. Like I said in my heartbreak segment, the ways you talk to yourself are probably not the same ways you would talk to your best friend so why do we decide to treat ourselves like this? "You are your own worst enemy" is an entirely true statement for some. It is important to take a step back every now and then and come back down to reality and realize how awesome it truly is to have a life, a body and a mind. It is entirely your decision on how you want to monitor these things but at the end of the day you are stuck with yourself so you might as well find the value in the person you are. The absolute most powerful thing I can ever implement within you is God. Regardless, of your beliefs just take a leap of faith and read this next part because I will let you in on a very dark part of my life. Last year I went through a three to four month segment when I let my anxiety run my brain entirely. Sometimes anxiety can lead you to overthink which can lead to obsession and fixation. For whatever reason, this obsession lasted for almost four months. Which might not seem long to some but it truly was draining. I had thoughts in my brain that were making me physically ill and I could see the pain in my eyes daily. Yeah, I still went about my life and looked fine on the outside but my insides were rotten. These thoughts consumed me and I could not get them out. It was almost as if someone else was fueling these twisted images into my brain and I personally had no control over them. The thoughts were so dark , detailed and just disgusting. I would beg God to take them away from me. I remember one night I fell to my knees in tears yelling at God saying, "Take this away from me, I can't do it anymore, God why won't you help me?!" This was a night when I did not sleep and a night I will never forget because it was seven aimless hours of me laying in my bed with the biggest pit in my gut, the most sickening thoughts swirling in my head and the weight of an elephant on my chest. I could not live like this. I was breaking my own heart. It just clicked one day. I need to give this to God. The bible always talks about worries and anxiety and he constantly says, "give them to me." As a human this is a hard concept because we are complete problem solvers. It is harder than it seems to just give your problems away and think they are going to be fixed. That also brings me to another phrase God likes to say is "trust me." I was so miserable that I got to the point where I had to put all my faith in the simple words "give them to me" and "trust me." So, I did. I was in my car one night and said out loud "God it is yours." No the fix was not instant, but it was the thing that helped me diminish it. I had to continue to remind myself that these thoughts are no longer mine because I chose to put all my faith in God and he is a hell of a lot stronger than me. He took it away from me because I believed that he did and I had faith. Now, every time those thoughts try to creep back in it is hardly a battle at all to fight them off. God makes it so simple for us as humans but a lot of the time we choose to complicate life because well, we are humans. Letting him take the wheel when you are self imploding or having a hard time in your own skin will do nothing but help you overcome. A huge part of where I found my confidence and how to start to love myself is through God. I hope I encouraged you to seek him out and do the same. He will help you. The final point I would like to make is the fact that you truly cannot commit yourself to someone until you love yourself. My insecurities came to play in my past relationship. I was too afraid to speak my feelings because I didn't want to sound "crazy" or needy. (this was entirely because of my own insecurities not because of him). Which is honestly so stupid. When I hear myself say that sentence I know that is the silliest thing someone can say but I feared confrontation and expressing my feelings so much that I would tremble, shake and sweat at the thought of it. It was just my own insecurities of trying to be this perfect little girlfriend that never gave anyone any trouble. Well, how the hell could I be perfect when I struggled so much to express my authentic feelings?! This always came back to bite me in the ass. I now know that I have some growing to do before I date someone again. If I am too insecure to even see my feelings as valid than why the hell would I date? I HAVE to know my worth and find the confidence within myself to speak my mind and not be some weak little sheep who is walking in fear of sounding "crazy." When in reality there is nothing crazy about saying how you feel, your feelings are valid. I really need to come to terms with this. It is so important to know your value before you date someone because without knowing that, you will not know how much you really deserve. To come to a close, let's think of the phrase, "treat others how you would like to be treated." I am going to change that. How about treat YOURSELF how YOU want to be treated. Ultimately, all you have is YOU! Do things that serve you and fill your mind with thoughts that will help your soul flourish and know your worth as a human being. Me and you. We can do it together!